We All Make Choices...
So Sunday SMACKdown posts aren't useful nuggets of information that are going to change your life. Sunday SMACKdown is saved for the moments that I feel I'd like to share some perspective on a happening in my life. Some will be funny (I hope), others likely an honest question being asked that I'd like your answer on, and some... a rant, soapboxy tirade, and a moment where I just haaaad to say something.
So here's my disclaimer - if you chose not to read my Sunday SMACKdown, you have not offended me. If you chose to read it - it is not intended to offend you. But with freedom of speech, and this new fangled internet thingy, everyone's an author, critic, cynic, specialist, genius, idiot, and famous in their own mind. Take all ego and emotion out of it, read it for what it says, not what you may think I'm cryptically trying to imply. I'm not that bright and it's just a blog.
We All Make Choices
As kids, we fought for our favorite ice cream or popsicle flavor. "I want the red one!" or "I want chocolate!" We all make choices. As teenagers, we chose our hairstyles and clothing (many times to the utter disgust or dismay of our parents). "I want a perm!" or "I HAVE to wear this off the shoulder splatter painted XL t-shirt with scrunchy belt." We all make choices. In college, we chose our major, defining "who" we wanted to be when we grew up... And that, is where the choices really start impacting things.
Some chose not to go to college, others chose technical schools, trade schools, became entrepreneurs and started their own business or went into family business, and some took a creative journey through life that no one can really define. We all make choices...
Now, next on the life decision wheel, when we reach the age of adulthood, is getting married and having babies. Marriage isn't for everyone, and neither are kids. I understand that humbly and wholeheartedly. But, we all make choices.
- We respect and celebrate someone's choice to marry (Hello! Wedding showers, wedding gifts, wedding celebrations.... There's an entire industry dedicated to it!)
- We respect someone's choice not to.
- We respect and celebrate someone's choice to have children (Hello! Baby showers...Baby's first birthday.... and so on and so on....)
- We respect someone's choice not to.
Or do we?
I am a DINK (Dual Income No Kids) individual. I am so by choice. I love children and think they're amazing. I love them enough to know that the kind of person I would have to be to raise a decent little human being who will grow up and be a stand-up citizen of the world, is not who I want to be. So I made a choice, long before meeting my husband. I respect my choice, as I respect yours. But, here's the rub.
I work hard.
My husband works hard.
I'm certain you all work hard.
Work IS hard.
Life is hard.
Choices are hard.
You make your choices, and expect society to respect them. Short of those illegal, immoral, and downright abhorrent decisions - by and large, we do. I'm sorry, I do not, have not, and will NEVER respect the choice to wear your pants sagging down low and showing off your britches or hiney crack... but as I said, by and large, everything else is generally a respectful understanding.
So then, how is it that I'm writing this post, that will likely be a rant? You can feel it building can't you?
As a DINK, we somehow become judged as selfish individuals who have free time on our hands. That seems like an innocuous comment. But allow me to elaborate. I made a choice to not have children and to work professionally. Others chose to have children and also work professionally (and some not work at all). I get it, we all need money to survive, so no skin off my back (yet).
Where the skin starts rubbing off is with the "understandings" in difference of choice. As a non-child having employee, you will never hear me utter, "I have to leave a bit early today. Sally's school recital/2nd grade graduation/cheer practice/doctor's appointment/etc is this afternoon." I won't be leaving promptly at 3 to pick up the kids from school or have the statement of "I gotta get home to fix dinner for the kids." As the minority in the professional workforce, those understandings from the majority don't happen.
If I pack up to head out early for a hair appointment (my choice) versus a recital (your choice) - eyebrows are raised. "Must be nice." or "Can you believe she's cutting out early for her hair?" No understanding.
If I scoot out the door at 5 on the dot to get to dinner or happy hour (my choice) versus scoot out at 5 because you have a family (your choice)- snickers and comments about how quickly I ran out the door are mumbled. No understanding.
If I share my experience of a restaurant/bar/club/experience I had over the weekend when asked what I did (my choice) versus your recitation of the score at a T-ball game, schedule of birthday parties or dance/band rehearsals (your choice) - back handed "must be nice to have free time on your hands" jabs or grunts of "you don't know what you're missing not having a family" come slinging. No understanding.
People, we make our choices. Respect them.
Your choice to have kiddos, raise them as you see fit (home schooled, public schooled, private schooled, special art school, day care, nanny, stay at home mom, single mom, single dad, double mom, double dad, divorced split custody, only on the weekends, every other Thursday, Christian, Buddhist, vegan, organic, pre-packaged mac'n'cheese and nuggets... WHATEVER) is your choice and business.
My choice to not have kiddos and work and live my life as I see fit (clean my own house, buy the shoes I like, cook most nights but go out when the mood strikes me, work out, volunteer, sleep in, get up early, slug on the couch, travel the world, read a book, go to a show, talk to a friend, make new friends, try a new spot, or paint my laundry room Tiffany Blue... WHATEVER) is my choice and business.
We once were INK's (Income No Kids) - may have been high school when you had your first job, or as a working professional fresh out of college. We made money, decisions and lived a life. It was a valuable contribution. It IS a valuable contribution. Whether DINK or INK... you, and what you do, how you see the world, and how you want to experience it are important and should be respected. Why? Because it is/was YOUR CHOICE.
The point, you ask, of this blog, is to remind everyone that we make choices and should respect them. Your choice is yours, and I'm happy for you and respectful of it. I hope it makes you happy. I made my choices, and they make me happy. Whether they'd make you happy, my sweet, is completely and utterly irrelevant. Ain't your choice.
